jokes page

The latest corny Bazz joke seems to have killed the jokes thread

A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I go fishing.'

Adie

What's the word?



Ryanair pilot, flying into Heathrow, the plane is in trouble! So he calls the tower, says "help Easter Sunday, Pancake Tuesday, Boxingday!" Voice comes back & says Paddy the word your looking for is Mayday!!!!

Adie

All very good, the jokes page has returned to life

Just remember kids...it's a family forum so nothing too rough lads....Okiedoke....

IS IT TRUE:
PIKE ANGLERS DO IT WITH AN OLD TROUT

viagra



Grandad and Grandma were visiting the grandkids overnight. When Grandad
found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

'I don't think you should take one Dad,' said the son. 'They're very strong and very expensive'. 'How much?' asked Grandad..?

'£10.00 each,' Answered the son.

'I don't care,' said Grandad, 'I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow.'

Later the next morning, the son found £110.00 under the pillow. He called his dad and said, 'I told you each pill was £10.00, not £110.00.'


'I know,' grandad said, 'the hundred is from grandma.'


Adie

A blonde walks up to the chemist's counter and asks for some Rectum Deodorant.

"I'm sorry miss" the male assistant says "but there's no such product".

"I think you'll find you are wrong about that" she says "I have a nearly empty one in my bag to show you and prove you wrong."

She grabs something from her handbag and passes it to the assistant.

"I'm sorry madam but that is just an ordinary every day stick of underarm deodorant."

"Read the instructions!" she says rather angrily.

The assistant looks at the instructions and bursts out laughing.

"To use, push up bottom"

tescos have installed a medical machine,that for £5 and a urine sample will diagnose any condition.When jim went witha sore elbow,the computer printout read"you have tennis elbow.soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks"impressed jim wondered if he could fool the machine.He mixed tap water withdog poo,yrine samples from his wife and daughter,and then pleasured himselfinto the mixture.When he tipped it into the machine thenext day,the printout read;1 ur tap waters too hard,use softener.2 ur dog has ring worm,give it antibiotics.3 ur daughter is on cocaine,get her to rehab.4 ur wife is expecting twins,not urs,get lawyer.5 if you keep playing with yourself youre elbow wont get better!thankyou for shopping at tesco

Paddy asks murphy if he wants any fags when he goes on holiday,murphy say yes cheers mate 200 benson.2 weeks later paddy comes back home.sees murphy in the pub and says ive got ur fags.you owe me £74.50.....for f"£$K sake said murphy where did you go on ur holiday.... butlins says paddy!

Q: Why don't the blondes have a T break in my office I asked??

A: because it takes too long to re-train them came the reply!

why is man incapable of satisfying woman?
because no man has a willy made of chocolate,or ejaculates cash!!

Two snowmen stood in a yard, one askes the other "do you smell carrot?"