jokes page

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldnt get her foot high enough to reach to step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldnt reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldnt reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I dont even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, maam, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

Adie

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Adie

A man was in the pub when the last orders went, “I didn’t realise I had been here so long” the man thought “but I’m not that drunk”
“I had better set off home” he thought
as he was about to stand he fell flat on his face
“I’m not that drunk” he says “if I can just crawl to the door I will be able to pull myself up on the door handle” and off he goes crawling towards the door
when he gets to the door he grabs the door handle pulls himself up onto his feet and sets off when he falls flat on his face again
“I’m not that drunk”the mans says to himself again “if I can just crawl to that lamp post I can pull myself up and set off
once again the man reaches his point and pulls himself to his feet
he takes another step and falls on his face again

This carries on until he reaches his house
He crawls up the stairs and falls into his bed
At this point his wife comes into the bedroom

“you’re drunk again aren’t you” she says
“I’m not that drunk” the man replies
his wife then says
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“THEN WHY HAVE YOU LEFT YOUR WHEELCHAIR IN THE PUB”


Adie

nice one adie, by the way did i tell you i teach dissabled kids?

Did i tell you that im disabled myself lol maybe you could teach me to fish lol

Adie

hear the 1 about the irish lampost it peed up the dog difference between a camera and a sock.camera takes 4toes sock takes 5 toes

It just gets worse and worse....lol

somethings are better lefted un said!

One day a father gets out of work
and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's
birthday.

He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the
sales person,

'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'


The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have:

Work Out Barbie for
£19.95

Shopping Barbie for
£19.95

Beach Barbie for £19.95

Disco Barbie for £19.95

Ballerina Barbie for
£19.95

Astronaut Barbie for
£19.95

Skater Barbie for £19.95

and Divorced Barbie for £265.95.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the
Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?'

The annoyed
salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:

'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes
with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Pets,
one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls

nice one bud

Dave stop it.it only hurts when i laugh!!

That was a good. My mum liked that one too....

very good chaps..

a bloke walks into a petshop an asks the sales person 'how much are wasps 'the sales person says'we dont sell em'the guy replyed 'well there in your front window'

come on guys you goty no jokes to share???????????????????